Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My friends, they love my intelligence
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
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