there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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