Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
did i just pee glitter
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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