i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
