The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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