My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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