Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Hippo gnu deer
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
