I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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