It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Ketchup is God's man juice
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
