Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
