She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
