...so i touched it.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
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the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
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I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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