OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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