her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
