I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
