her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
