What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
