Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
