So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
