BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
