My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My cat gives me a boner
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
