Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
