I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
