I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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