I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!