Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize