Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
there is glitter all over my balls
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