woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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