he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
