I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i came on her dog
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
