My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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