what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
