Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
