she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
