So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
