so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.