So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
