Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays