WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
