ADVERTISEMENT

• (970): View more from Colorado

  Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad

  Fav 3 1682 1045

  share tweet
  

• (240): View more from Maryland

  I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.

  Fav 18 1221 3871

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (562): View more from California

  Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....

  (949): View more from California

  Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back

  Fav 15 1302 4685

  share tweet
  

• (224): View more from Illinois

  Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.

  Fav 16 2051 2981

  share tweet
  
• 

  23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (586): View more from Michigan

  on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"

  Fav 10 3322 1585

  share tweet
  

• (419): View more from Ohio

  Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods

  Fav 4 1255 635

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (775): View more from Nevada

  He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min

  Fav 3 654 933

  share tweet
  

• (703): View more from Virginia

  Vodka?

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Forever.

  Fav 8 1762 894

  share tweet
  

• (801): View more from Utah

  Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.

  Fav 5 1293 911

  share tweet
  
• 

  These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (972): View more from Texas

  I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.

  Fav 1 1490 459

  share tweet
  

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...

  Fav 1 1059 379

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (319): View more from Iowa

  I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.

  Fav 1 706 302

  share tweet
  

• (505): View more from New Mexico

  my nose is crying tears of wow.

  Fav 4 246 189

  share tweet
  

• (605): View more from South Dakota

  Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml

  Fav 1 27 56

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday

  Fav 1 74 18

  share tweet
  

Randomize