Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack