she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
