You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
