Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
