My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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