Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
