she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
