and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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