Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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