He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
