btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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