Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
