If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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