Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
