i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
