i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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