i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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