in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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