one two three fourrrrnication!
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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