Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
