I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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