Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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