That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
