Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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