my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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