I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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