I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize